Why I Fired My Secretary!

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By Mike Hazard

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember. My kids came bounding downstairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o’clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.?” I said, “Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

But we didn’t go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go straight back to the office, Do We?” I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s drop by my apartment; it’s just around the corner.”

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes; she came out carrying a huge birthday cake… Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”. And I just sat there… On the couch… Naked. If ye be not blown hither by a fair wind, stab me…

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