How I Slept With My Mother!

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By Dan Engoc

“Hey kijana this place is not a sanctuary for hyenas like you and I think the curse you have is unbreakable, no Pastor can ever touch your head to cleanse you, so give me your back na nisiwai kuona around this radius ondoka! Hata hujui kumtolea mungu na uko hapa kuniharibia washirika…. wenzako wanatafuta ufalme wa mbinguni wewe na mamako mngali sodoma…….. Guards toeni hizi vitombist hapa! hamna haya, eti forgive! forgive! Bishop…. out of my church…….” This are the last words i ever heard from a man of God 7yrs ago being chased out of our church and our names trending to all corners of kawangware and kibira, luhya strong holds in the city, local churches leading to no church being interested in welcoming us as members to fellowship with them. This made us quite Christianity for good. By the time we were being chased everybody was astonished ‘ why is Bishop sending mama assembly and son away? Have they stolen the church funds this serious what could they have done? Everybody was asking different questions concerning what made us being chased away.

The cause of our suspension started 9yrs ago while I was 14yrs old. We used to live in kibera slams in Nairobi. I had a friend by the name Vic who stayed only with her mum as a single family. Her mum was this woman who looked young around late 20’s bright skin,sexy looks and behind, She never worked during the day. We used to spend the whole day with her in plot while she does her house chores but when night come it was her time to get out to the city where she claimed she worked as a night bar maid and most of the times she left Vic and I to sleep in their house whenever she wont be coming back that night. Like we had used to spend  night alone in their single room house. We got aggressive to know where Vic’s mum Cindy used to work and why only during the night, and when she comes back she didn’t sleep that much like someone who spend her night attending to different customers .

We launched out kainvestigation on her whenever she gets in and out, the way she walked back home and have weird pictures in our empty coconuts of how her customers were that night and we could lough sarcastically on her and say leo alipatana na Molis nini?…. We could search her handbags severall times and everything that was in it, but Oops! there wasn’t new stuffs we could trace to make ourselves right, only perfume bottles, lips and nails stuffs which we never bothered in our mission. This led us loose focus on our research and opted out on it {but rumours had it she was a night bla bla bla…..} Cindy was those hot mum every one could admire, ever dresses nicely , killing smiles, hot figure and ever with a nice cocoa butter scent. Her smile was ovious this mama loves cassava. She was this mum a teenage kid could say ile siku ntaambiwa toto kamata! Aki ya mwadhani! Mola ukanirehemu… We gazed at those perfume bottles for along time but off all those perfumes there is this bottle we found “ZOOM for Men” we were exited to meet one out of ten perfume only for men and we discussed on it and agreed we hide it in our home place. Little did we know what this Zoom for men 1 power stroke was, this was the Genesis of my family  fall by stealing Cindy’s perfume.  It gave me anew name from Ken to Rashid.

 It was on Friday night after school  Vic and I had been invited to a classmates party at  their place. So   we dressed to kill and just waited for the zoom sprayer. This was the first time we were to apply since we never wanted Cindy to note we usually peruse her stuffs and use some of her perfumes. This very day my dad had travelled to shags to attend to along time friend funeral service and he was to come back by Monday morning to resume His night job duty as he was a night watchman at mzungu place in Karen. So I was alone with my mum who was a mama sembly in her church and always she could not allow me to attend a night party, but this day i wondered what happened or was happening because  she was to remain alone in the house all night, but I never bothered I kept waiting Vic’s signall we leave…. “kwani iyo party yenyu inaanza saa ngapi its 8’30 yet hamna haraka, inafaa mjue security ya huku Kibra si ya kutegemea so mfanye mtoke mapema hii….”  mum kept reminding me like other African mums. 

To me this was a uefa finals penalty kick at the 90′ I couldn’t wait to loose since I have never been given such an opportunity and also I had a crush in our class by the name Ester who was figa namba nane with a pwani ascent as they used to stay in county zero zero one all her childhood, her smile had a charm to me whenever I could gaze at her she returned that smile that left my mt. Kenya erupt immediately. She was going to attend this party since they were close neighbours with the birthday boy.

Vic was now taking decades so i decided to leave my mum and pick Vic we leave. Kutoka kumbe nimesahau Zoom na ilikua lazima Essy a feel io cologne, so I rushed where I kept it teketeke puff puff armpits, shoulders place kamrembo katahug and most important around my Luhyatic coke since I knew leo lazima Essy alambe lolo so I had to regulate the air condition of the region.

Suddenly! abruptly! never the less did I knew what was zoom 75% concentration.,without being told what it was, now I already knew wat this 1 power stroke was. Within one minute my gun was like 20kgs, stiffer than a knee bone, I Started screaming at a low tone calling mum, mum, mum come see…to me it was a miracle I had never seen my coke this size, veins allover… Since our house was one room partition with sheets she just pulled it out and she could not believe her eyes, a cobra had stood with its head broadened up. At that time she was on a phone call, the only thing I had was “unaeza anza safari……. ” and my pants were tighter this thing has gone mad “omera” and it was becoming more and more painful, “what happened ken….. Ken….” I only pointed at the perfume bottle. she picked it and read…. “Use only one spray, and only when the food is ready served, excess use at a time can lead to cordiac attack {heart attack leading to death}” I saw tears flowing down mums chicks and guess she understood those words well which I never got them myself.

Bynow my blood was flowing at a fly emirates speed and I was loosing my conscious, the last thing I heard was ‘son i can’t leave you to die, you are my only light no matter wat will come evn if u pre………’ So I guess that shit happened.

It took me 2hrs to regain my normal senses, I couldn’t tell what happened until the following day. I had rumours that I slept with my mum, this was the most embarrassing thing in my life but the only person I can blame is my mum, not Vic, not Cindy nor I for stealing the perfume. My mum’s reaction helped me yes.! But who let this story out I asked her this story had already costed me alot, evryone at skull couldnt near me because of this ill picture, Mum tell me what happened… I yelled at her. “my son am very sorry all this was because of me I had a  plan with Bishop that night while your father was away and I wanted you to go out that night so that I could have some cool time with Bishop { I saw anti-crocodile tears  rolling her chicks down like a stream with broken banks} and we had agreed that he was to come by 10pm but unfortunately your condition arised I could not leave my only Son die while watching you again it was late to call for someone from outside for your rescue and I got the cure here keeping it ready to serve another bustered in the name of man of God…… So when I was on your mission which took longer than I expected. He arrived and found me on you, since the door was not locked…… Astonished he was and anger rose her thinking I was raping my own blood…… So he moved out calling people but few come since most were out for their weekend treat,  those who come accused me without getting to understand what you were going through ….. Tears of sorrow bitterness fell in my stomach with hatred on that foolish Bishop. “Hako kawaru sijawai sahau hiyo Saturday though I knew I had touched the pastors meat” The next Sunday this Bishop disclosed everything to church members leading to our suspension and our names poorly tinted outside kibra and kawagware even local news headlines read MOTHER SAVES SON FROM ZOOM SAGA. This was the worst day in my life, I cursed the day I was born.

I losed all my friends even Vic who claimed I stole that zoom from her mums potch. Esther my lover to date she still hates me that I could have called her for my rescue that night… “I was prepared for u, but you left me hanging Ken I hate you” i didn’t have that strength, and could I really waited that long for Ester to arrive myb I coul be dead? This made me see my mum a hero again in my life… Her love in me came back and no one could separate me from her though this was the beginning of povertic life since she had no job we lived directly from dads pocket. Again wonders never ended there My dad disowned us, claiming it is something that we have been used to  every night when he goes to look for our daily bread in cold, so we had to move out from his house to new life. “Am giving you a wife my son go with her (tafuta mahari unilipe bibi ndo huyo nimekuptia)” He threw our belongings out while standing with a panga to escort us to leave her presence.

At this point life was really kicking me out of pitch before the 90′,my dad now becomes my father in law how could this happen, Ntaambia nini watuu. Looking at Cindy and Vic they denied that zoom is not from there place it’s something my mum used to lure men who visited her occasionally but this day no man was around so he decided to use it on her own son…… This words still ring in my medulla but all in all no sin is permanent and in Romans; all we have fallen short of God’s glory but once bitten twice shy and whenever one race ends onother begins………………

 To be continued part 2 Available

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2 Thoughts to “How I Slept With My Mother!”

  1. dan dii

    Nice article big up… But part 2 aint coming its long time

    1. Kwetu Reporter

      Hi, be patient a little bit it’s coming soon…

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